The Night She Brought Me to Life
by x-Blueberry-Muffin-x
Summary: Edward and Esme both died in Volterra and one night Carlisle finds Bella in the woods and tries to help her overcome her grief. But is disaster waiting just around the corner? Please do give it a go if you're a Carlisle fan. IN-PROGRESS. ON HIATUS.
1. The Woods

**A/N: Carlisle and Esme went to Volterra ahead of Bella and Alice. If at least one person likes this and reviews I will be happy :) Also I own nothing! Not even Carlisle...sadly ;)**

**The Woods**

More often that not I found myself walking this same path on a daily basis. It was the path that Esme and I walked down on our first night in Forks, escaping the chaos at home with Jasper and Alice and Rosalie and Emmett fighting over which room they wanted. We thought it best to leave them to it.

I walked that old familiar path myself that night because my wife, my lover and my soul mate, my Esme, had been taken from me. The moment when she sealed her fate was vividly imprinted in my mind and not a day passed me by when I did not see her, running forward to stop Aro ending Edward's life. She failed. Both my wife and my son perished at the hand of my old friend. But his time would most assuredly come, for I do not forgive nor forget as easily as people might believe. When he least suspects it he will pay for what he did.

It was both painful and soothing to walk this old path. I felt my Esme close to me at all times but here, in what felt like our own private world, my memories flashed before me as clearly as though they were happening in real time.

Grief is a peculiar thing: it causes us to want to cling to our old memories yet we want to move on in order to be free of the agony. It is a fickle companion. I, however, was more than happy to live with my memories and never move on. Esme would always be alive in my heart and in my mind.

It was on a particularly miserable day, even by Fork's standards, that I met Isabella Swan. She had perched herself on a makeshift swing and was using her feet to gently rock back and forth. I took a step towards her and woke her from her reverie, her eyes shot up from the ground in shock at the intrusion. Upon seeing my figure approaching her she lowered her eyes again.

"Hey," she mumbled, more to her feet than to me.

"Good evening Isab…Bella." her glare was enough to remind me that she hated the name Isabella. I, however, found it quite beautiful.

The rain was pouring from the heavens so hard that the trees offered us no real shelter. Wearing only a hooded fleece and jeans, she was quickly becoming soaked to the skin. I shrugged off my black duffel coat ("It'll make you look more doctory" Alice assured me.) and draped it over her shoulders.

"Thanks," she whispered. A frown appeared as she said "What about you though?"

"Vampires don't have to worry about the cold or getting wet too much Bella." I flashed her my warmest smile, hoping to entice some conversation out of her. I wanted to know what on earth she was doing out on such a dreary late night.

"Bella…what are you…"

Knowing what I was going to say she cut across me.

"It's three years to the day tomorrow that… that he…they…it happened." Grief was blatant in every syllable, every word of the sentence pained her.

I made no reply. I knew full well the event that tomorrow marked.

Tears slowly began to fall down her soft, pale cheek as thunder roared overhead, the storm was beginning to unleash its fury.

I hated to see her upset but it was a common sight and had been for three years. She hardly ever came to see us anymore - too many memories I presumed- and when she did her eyes were filled with such sadness that I could hardly look at her. Nothing would have pleased me more than to be able to take that pain away from her, but it was a pain out with my medical capabilities. The only thing that could sooth her was gone.

"It's all my fault Carlisle" she whispered through her sobs " If it weren't for me you'd still have Esme and Edward. How can you even stand beside me? Why do you not hate me? I hate myself!"

"I could never hate you Bella." She looked at me with disbelief glistening in her eyes. As though my compassion was too much to take she got up and walked away. I would not let her leave believing that I hated or blamed her. I whirled around and grabbed her wrist using enough of my strength to prevent her from leaving but not enough to hurt her.

I made her face me but her eyes remained fixed on the ground.

"Bella, look at me." I said in a gentle tone but with enough bite for her to know it was an order, not a request.

"I do not hate you, I never have and I certainly never shall." My voice was laden with passion I thought had died with my dear wife. The air was thick with an indescribable tension as we stared at each other, neither daring to look away. The sincerity in my eyes seemed to finally reach her as her eyes softened and her tense body relaxed.

Before I knew what was happening she tilted her head and closed the gap between us. Our lips met with a tender kiss which sent a shiver through our bodies which had nothing to do with the rain or the cold. Her lips pressed against mine again and something with in me - my restraint? - snapped. I was lost in her as we kissed deeply and passionately, the rain cascading over us.

A soft moan escaped her lips as she pulled back to catch her breath. Reality came crashing down around us as her eyes widened in shock. I tore my hands away from her waist and she fled from me, never daring to look back.

I let her go.

I shook my head and sat on the swing Bella had previously occupied. The storm overhead continued to rage but patches of moonlight broke through the blackened clouds, setting patches of my skin aglow with sparking diamonds. I thought of Esme and of the times we had shared at this very spot, how her head fit so perfectly under my chin as I stroked her caramel coloured curls whilst watching the sunlight dance across her glittering skin. It was little moments of perfection like this that helped me cope without her. I missed her terribly. Vampires are the most loyal of all monsters yet here I was kissing my son's girlfriend on the evening before the anniversary of his death. What was wrong with me? I closed my eyes allowing thoughts of Esme to consume me. I was so lost that I was only vaguely aware of what followed.

A long screech of a car attempting to break. A loud THUD. Silence. More screeching of wheels.

My eyes flew open.

"Bella!"


	2. Decisions, decisions

**A/N: If you're interested I found a little gem of a Bellisle ( I kinda hate that word but hey lol) vid : Bella // Carlisle ;; Running up that hill. Have a look for it :)**

**Bella and Carlisle belong to Stephenie Meyer-I just mess about with their lives!**

**Decisions, decisions.**

I moved swiftly yet sinuously through the cluster of trees and within seconds I was at her side. The tail lights of the car fleeing the scene were still visible on the horizon. Part of me wanted to give chase but it didn't take a medical background to see that Bella was in trouble. She needed me.

"Bella? Bella can you hear me?" I knelt beside her and for a brief moment I was paralysed at the sight of her cold and mangled body. She had landed on her side and, although maimed, she looked so peaceful she could almost have been sleeping. Almost. Bones in her legs stuck out at odd angles, her right arm was twisted and the other was beginning to show signs of vicious bruising.

A torrid of emotions ripped through me. She was so helpless, so broken. How could someone leave her like this?

I brushed away the hair that covered her face. Blood had trickled from her nose and mouth but her beauty outshone her wounds. Even though battered and bruised she was the image of perfection. I stroked my hand down her cheek as I listened for her heartbeat. A gentle thumping rhythm echoed in my ears. She was alive! Alive but so very weak.

I frisked my pockets searching for my cell phone and dialled 9-1- … I stared at her. Her fragile heart was beginning to fail as the gentle thumping grew weaker.

Bella Swan was dying.

She seemed beyond repair and so once again I found myself in the impossible situation: should I allow this innocent creature to drift into an eternal slumber? Or should I give her a new life, damned though it was?

Day in and day out I was faced with this decision, this temptation to help people survive, but it had been many years since my resistance was so sorely tested. It was never easy to let a patient slip away but coming home to my family helped sooth that burden - with my family around me all my troubles seemed to melt away. And Bella was family. I could not let her leave us, I could not let her leave me.

The icy chill of death's welcoming arms hung in the air. The rain continued to batter the ground as Bella's life slowly but surely began to fade away. Her candle was all but burned out.

I turned to look away from her and my hands found their way to my head as I tugged on strands of my golden hair. In that moment I must have looked truly deranged…and I was. This decision was not to be made lightly but so often it had to be made quickly. Death is impatient. Several times I made towards her, sure of my choice, only to turn away and reach for my cell again.

Once more I turned to look at her. Her fragile and shattered frame reminded me of Esme. A woman who had suffered so much in life, so kind and gentle that she deserved more. I gave her the chance to live that life that she deserved. She was cruelly taken from me but the time she had with us was filled with joy and happiness. I did that for her. Was Bella not worthy of the same? Had she not suffered enough on earth to reassure me that a renewed chance at life was owed to her? In life she spoke so often of Edward changing her…would I do in his stead?

My mind was settled.

Tenderly and smoothly I lifted her lithe frame from the ground. She fit my arms so perfectly that I was overcome with a sense of peace. My mind was pacified.

I gently manoeuvred her into the back seat of my car and raced home. I would not do this without pain relief - and lots of it!

Throughout the journey I kept check on her failing heart. It was becoming alarmingly slow. She didn't have much time left.

"Stay with me Bella." I whispered.

Finally we were home and I carried her into the house. With Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie away at college the place always felt empty but that night, more than any other, I was aware that something was lacking. My house was no longer a home but a shell, a tomb to those we had lost. It needed brought back to life and so did Bella.

I placed her lightly on the sofa and went to retrieve my medicine bag, flicking the lights on along the way.

Again it was mere seconds before I was beside her readying the morphine. Now everything was in place.

I took a deep and steadying breath - unnecessary though it was - and cleared my head of all thought. In the emptiness of my mind I felt an unnerving silence creep through the room. My eyes flashed open.

The thudding of her heart had ceased.

Without a second thought I began CPR - I would not let her die because I was too much of a coward to decide her fate back at the roadside. I could not let her die because of me.

After my first attempt at bringing her back I lowered my head to hers to listen for a breath, a heartbeat, a sign of life…

It was then that I felt it. Something invisible began to slither through my veins, her intoxicating aroma was taking over me. In that instant I heard nothing, my mind went blank and my lips disobeyed me as they dropped towards Bella's neck. They grazed over her soft skin before I pulled them back and sank my teeth into her graceful neck. I felt the venom pour into her, desperately seeking a flicker of life to latch onto, extinguish and transform.

Finally I regained some control and drew back to look at her. There was no pain on her face - I had failed her.

I cradled her in my arms and began rocking her slowly.

An exasperated sigh escaped me in my torment.

"Please don't leave me Bella."

All around was silent and still except from the dull thrashing of rain against the windows

My Bella was gone.

**A/N: Hope chapter 2 was ok :) Is this the end for poor Bella? Watch this space.**


	3. When all else fails

**A/N: There is a bit of a biblical theme to this chapter but I'm not being preachy with it :P I was reading the scene between Carlisle and Bella in New Moon and I just think it suits his character. Maybe I'm wrong-let me know.**

**This was absolutely awful to write and I'm not really happy with it but I think the next chapter should be easier.**

**Also this story is going to be a bit longer than I originally thought…7 or 8 chapters I'd say.**

**When all else fails.**

I had always considered myself rather brave but that particular night I was a coward. I left her. I fled the room for I could not stand the sight of her lifeless body, lifeless because of me.

The cold night air and torrential storm attacked me as soon as I walked out the door. Water seeped through my brilliant white shirt and my hair fell about my face. I wanted the downpour to devour me and cleanse me of my loss.

But the pain I felt was all consuming, raw and gnawing at my long silenced heart. There was a bitter irony to how hard the heart could break even though it did not beat.

I was tired of my existence, of seeing so many people I cared about come into my life only for them to be snatched away by death's grasp. More than three and a half centuries of loss. I had seen enough of it. Why could I not be taken in her place?

I brought my hands up to cup my face in a vain attempt to clear my mind. It wasn't working and I could feel myself falling deeper into the depths of despair but still I managed to retain some control, for I wanted nothing more than to fall to my knees and beg for whatever deity was listening to take me instead.

A long forgotten Bible verse floated to the forefront of my mind:

"he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more"

I consoled myself with it. This was not the end for Bella, such a precious creature was destined for eternal life. Peace would find her at last.

As I began to make my way back to the house, completely drenched by the storm even though it was starting to calm, my cell rang.

Looking at the phone I saw Alice's bright and smiling face shining up at me from the screen. How on earth could I tell her? Or did she already know I had failed to save her friend? What could I say to her?

I closed my eyes and bit my lip as I accepted the call.

"Carlisle why are you standing out in the rain feeling sorry for yourself when Bella needs you?"

"Alice I just couldn't bear to see her like that," my voice was trembling, barely more than a whisper.

She began to raise her voice. "She is the way she is because of you so go watch over her!"

"Alice I know you're angry at me but please listen. I never meant for her to die Alice, I wanted to ch ... change her but I was t-too late." If I had any tears to spill, they would have fallen there and then.

"God Carlisle for someone so smart you can be really dumb sometimes." she giggled down the phone.

Why on earth was she laughing and mocking me at a time like this?

"Bella is alive! You're head is so clouded with guilt you didn't even try to listen for her heartbeat did you? Go back and listen - really listen! She's already getting stronger." Her voice was filled with such happiness that I didn't need to be with her to know she was grinning from ear to ear.

My mouth had fallen open - how could I have missed her heartbeat? I had no words for my daughter but she understood.

"Go to her and look after our Bella."

She said the next line at such speed even my heightened senses struggled to follow her.

"Word of warning though - she will be one unhappy vampy when she wakes up. Okay, gotta go dad! Love you, bye"

She hung up.

I decided not to attempt to sort out the confusion that cluttered my mind and went to the front door. As I reached it I froze in astonishment…I could hear it! Her heart _was _beating, her lungs expanding, her new life beginning. A sense of relief washed over me.

Then I heard her scream.

I pushed the door open with far too much force, causing the glass to shatter, and raced to her side.

She was writhing and twitching, beads of sweat glittered across her brow as her head lashed from side to side. With each cry I apologized but I felt the pain she felt by having to watch her shudder and scream in agony. Torture.

Her hand reached out through her convulsions as though she knew I was there and need to be comforted. I grasped her hand firmly enough for her to know I was there and gave her a gentle squeeze.

"Bella? Bella if you can hear me it's me, Carlisle. I'm here with you and I won't let any harm come to you. You're safe, I won't let you go."

I wondered who I was trying to comfort more with my words but they seemed to soothe her and her body appeared to relax at my touch.

I looked carefully at our intertwined fingers, at how perfectly they joined together. I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb and she let out a small moan which sounded too pleasant to be pain. I repeated the action and again her body seemed to ease and so I continued all through the night and the following day.

Twilight.

Midnight.

28 hours, 9 minutes and 4 seconds later.

Her heartbeat was fast, far too fast. It had all happened so quickly that again I began to worry - was it possible she had been too broken? Could the venom just kill her?

The constant writhing and straining had ceased but I enjoyed the feel of my hand in hers too much to let go.

Again and again her heart increased its pace, it was like listening to the dull echo of a speeding train.

A thought came to mind… it brought me solace. It often did when all else failed.

"Our father, who art in heaven,"

Her heart pounded in her chest.

"Hallowed be Thy name."

Her body began to shake again, her hand squeezed mine tightly, as though desperately trying to cling to life.

"Thy Kingdom come."

It was out of control, she trembled and shivered as the icy poison began to take over.

"Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven."

I brought my other hand to her stomach, holding her in place to stop her falling.

"Give us this day our daily bread."

Her back arched as her body contorted itself, trying to break free of the deadly venom which was devouring her.

"And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

_Please forgive me for this._

"And lead us not into temptation,"

I listened as her heart valiantly gave its final jolt.

"but deliver us from evil."

Everything stopped, even the rain. Silence.

"Amen."

Bella's eyes flashed open gleaming an exquisitely ferocious red.

**A/N: Yes the change was quick and a little different to BD.I hope this doesn't bother you-it's just the way it turned out.**

**Ok, definitely the last thing this time - I have realised I am absolutely awful at writing dialogue so I apologise if Alice and Carlisle's little chat seemed a bit…out of touch with the rest of it. If you really hate it I'll try and change it but I just really wanted to get this chapter done! Only a little more angst before we get to the good stuff :)**


	4. Words to break a silent heart

**A/N: Okay guys this has got way more story alerts than I ever thought possible and thank you to everyone for taking the time to review :)Turns out I was talking rubbish last time when I said this would be easier...it's actually getting harder to write but I will keep going - only death would stop me finishing this even if you all hate it towards the end :P**

**Words to break a silent heart.**

Instantly she sat bolt upright taking in her newborn self with her burning red eyes. Then, in an imperceptible movement which would have been lost on the human eye, she turned her head to face me, fixing me with an intense stare. Several times she blinked as though she was seeing me all too clearly for the first time, a natural reaction, but through her glare I could see it.

Loathing.

Her eyes spoke all the questions her mouth could not yet utter. Bella did not want to be one of us.

I allowed her some time to adjust, letting her eyes drink in her new reality and her mind come to realise what this all meant for her.

I stood from my kneeling position beside her and moved a few steps back in order to give her some space. Not once did she take her eyes off of me. Only when I had stopped moving did she allow them to glide shut and she began to inhale deeply and exhale slowly - and for what felt like an eternity that was all she did.

Suddenly her eyes flickered open and she whispered, in what I imagine she intended to be a calm voice.

"What have you done to me?"

A hint of a growl was evident behind her façade of forced composure.

"You…you don't understand what has happened?" I knew full well that she understood. I just couldn't bear to think that that hatred lacing her icy tone was meant for me.

"Don't play games with me!" Her eyes flashed black, dark as a starless sky. She was on her feet now and edging towards me, clinging on to her restraint.

All at once I became very aware of how naïve I was to do this without anyone to assist me should she lose control. Clearly I had overestimated myself…or been blinded by my feelings for Bella. Feelings I hadn't even begun to comprehend.

"Say it Carlisle! Tell me what I am!" The last of her restraint had vanished, she was screaming. She brought her face dangerously close to mine…so close…just like back in the woods.

"Vampire," She had reduced my voice to no more than a whisper. This creature had a hold over me unlike that of any other. How did she do it?

She smirked half heartedly.

"So, I tell you just how much I hate myself, how much I loathe my own existence and you decide not to put me out of my misery, but to prolong my agony!" Her voice had been reduced to the same whisper as mine but it was full of anger and despair. "If you have to suffer the grief then I should too, is that it?"

Once again her eyes flashed black as the dead of night as a twisted smile played about her lips.

"Or maybe you thought that kiss back in the woods actually meant something? That you and I could live unhappily ever after? Misery loves company of course but if that's what you were betting on then listen carefully to what I'm about to say next,"

I stood there immobile as she continued her tirade, realising that she understood me better than I understood myself. I didn't just change Bella for her sake… I did it for my own selfish reasons.

"I only kissed you," she paused momentarily, savouring the pleasure of her words, "because I thought it might remind me of him. I kissed you hoping to feel what Edward made me feel."

Every word, every consonant, every vowel caused me more pain than a hundred deaths. I would gladly have suffered a vampire's lethal venom a thousand times over than to hear her say those words again. She cut me deep and her black eyes glittered with joy but as they returned to their ruby red I saw no satisfaction there. Even she seemed shocked at her volatility as her vampiric nature fought to break through.

She turned from me and made her way towards the stairs.

"Funny how things don't always work out the way you think isn't it?" she called back over her shoulder.

In an instant she was gone and by the resounding slam I heard from above she had locked herself in Edward's old room.

Again I stood there completely unable to move, bruised and battered by her words.

Realisation often picks bizarre times to set in, this being one such instance.

I was in love with Isabella Swan.

My cell began to beep and I knew who it was before I even opened the message.

_From: Alice_

_She doesn't mean it Carlisle. Trust me! x_

I sighed heavily and sank to the floor. Alice was more often right than wrong but at that moment I had no faith in her.

Perhaps it was just Bella's darker sight battling for dominance but it had to be based on something she was feeling. She hated me!

How else could she conjure up such words? Words to break a silent heart.

**A/N: I know, I know pretty heavy going! I really hope I haven't spoiled it for you all :( I have a pretty good idea of where this is leading and I'm afraid this whole being nasty to Carlisle bit is part of it. Believe me it pained me to be so mean.**

**Also I'm playing about with being a canon newborn...the eyes changing colour constantly,changing her mood, the volatility-is she sad, is she angry? I hope it doesn't seem too messed up! Bella is confused and doesn't know what she's feeling.**

**Next up we're having Bella's point of view which might help clear things up ;)**


	5. Realisation

**A/N: Most of the reviews from the last chapter had the words " poor Carlisle" in them - I do apologise for being so mean to him :P Shall we see how Bella feels after her little outburst?**

**Realisation**

Out of habit I headed straight for Edward's room, slamming the door behind me and sprawling myself out on the floor. I was panting heavily, even though I had no need for breath. My mind was overflowing with thoughts and my heart brimming with emotion. I felt like I didn't belong in my own skin because everything was so strange and new. Anger and confusion coursed through my body but none of it felt real to me, everything was so detached.

Every cell in my body was struggling to accept this new me. I could feel my vampiric nature fight against every last ounce of my humanity and for the first time I became aware of my ravenous hunger. My throat was on fire, crying out for sustenance, and I felt my nostrils flare, desperately searching for that oh so delicious scent of blood. My hands clasped around my neck in a pathetic attempt to ease the inferno blazing in my throat. I closed my eyes trying to calm myself, I hummed quietly - I quickly realised that only made it worse! - and I even began rolling neck movements frantically trying to rid myself of the thirst.

Nothing worked and so I lay back staring at the ceiling in Edward's room, a place which had once offered me so much comfort had now become my prison.

What had he done to me? My life was in tatters, I was young but exhausted and even though the stretch of life that lay ahead of me as a human seemed too long at least then I had the promise of death. In truth I was only still alive for Charlie's sake; happiness had long since abandoned me and I just wanted out.

Then I became this! This creature, this monster, this demon! I could not help but be angry!

But then a face drifted into my mind, handsome and friendly wearing a familiar smile -the face of Carlisle Cullen. At the mere thought of him my anger began to abate and I felt a sense of ease wash through my body. I felt my true self was starting to re-emerge from her black cocoon, albeit slowly.

Even in the most perpetual darkness he brought light. He was the epitome of goodness.

My stomach knotted as I thought of him, or more accurately, as I recalled what I had said to him.

"_I only kissed you because I thought it might remind me of him. I kissed you hoping to feel what Edward made me feel."_

Who was this girl who spoke those words? They felt so foreign to me and yet I had said them. Something deep within me had caused me to lash out at a man so compassionate he would put even the kindest heart to shame.

I was angry at him for forcing this hell upon me but my reactions were so disproportionate to my feelings - I was completely unhinged.

There was no denying that a rather despicable part of me, buried in the shadows of my heart, did encourage me to kiss him to bring back everything Edward made me feel.

But it was so much more than that.

The tension between us that night we kissed was palpable. A heavy air of unspoken desire hung thickly around us and his words washed over me, cleansing me from all my pain. His eyes bore into the very depths of my soul and I knew there and then that we were kindred spirits. My feelings for Carlisle had crept up on me so gradually and silently over the years that I had no idea what to do with them. My body, however, responded in the way it knows bests, urging me to press my lips to his.

As I remembered that first tender moment when our mouths met I pressed my hands to my lips, a poor substitute for the real thing. What I felt for him ran so much deeper than the love between a father and daughter.

But still I could not figure out what those feelings were.

Lost in my memory I suddenly realised that he had not moved from the spot where I left him - there was no pacing, no shuffling, no chasing after me. He sat there motionless and lifeless, just like he did for months right after we lost Esme and Edward.

I was repulsed by what I had said to him and yet there was still a part of me so angry at him that I thought he deserved every word!

No matter what my feelings for Carlisle were how could I betray Edward's memory in such a way? Or dear Esme, the woman who loved me as though I were her own flesh and blood.

I tried to focus on them and push all thoughts of Carlisle out of my mind but it was hopeless. It's like when someone says to you " don't think of a red balloon" - clearly it's the first thing on your mind.

I could feel the anger rise within me again, bubbling just below the surface but something was holding it back, something stronger. Love? I had always believed that I would never love again because Edward was my destiny and the only thing love ever taught me was that it hurts… a lot!

However all the evidence was there.

Over the years since Volterra I had rarely visited the Cullens but when I did I found myself actively seeking out Carlisle's company. If Alice was out or busy I would often sit with him in his office, where we shared our love of literature and sometimes he would even select a book or poem he thought I'd like and read it to me. I remember it saddened me that he was barely able to look me in the eye but I didn't question him on it - I didn't like seeing my reflection in the mirror either. I was my own constant reminder that it was my fault Edward and Esme were gone. I presumed Carlisle saw the same thing when he looked at me.

One night when I stayed over I remember waking up to a little note left on my bedside table :

_The world always looks brighter from behind a smile, Bella - Carlisle._

I smiled in spite of myself. It was the start of one of my better days.

That first night without Edward when he pressed his beautiful cold lips to my forehead as I sobbed.

More and more memories came back to me, my mind overflowing with little thoughts of Carlisle. Being half asleep on the sofa when Carlisle delicately placed a blanket over me; Carlisle pushing a rebellious strand of hair behind my ear as I broke my heart crying over Edward; his hand intertwined with mine as I sat motionless during our flight home from Italy.

Why else would such little insignificant details be so vivid in my mind if I didn't feel something for him?

My head was spinning. I was so confused with thoughts of anger and …love? They enveloped my mind like a morning mist.

True, he had condemned me to a living hell but I could feel my very soul crying out for him.

It was then that I realised that my bloodlust had disappeared when I allowed myself to be consumed with thoughts of him. I pondered this for a moment, unable to believe that I, as a newborn, would be so capable of restraining myself. But it had happened.

There truly was no other possible conclusion - love had found me again.

Long ago Carlisle alone had pulled me back from the darkness threatening to overpower me. Now I needed him to retain my humanity, to control my urges…but most of all I needed him to love me. Love me, like I loved him.

I knew I had to speak with him, for I had to let him know that those words I spoke were meaningless. But how was I to do it?

I let my body carry me to the door but I stopped, my fingers outstretched towards the handle, as I heard his head lift upon hearing my movement - all spontaneity was lost when it came to being a vampire.

Even though I was beginning to understand what Carlisle meant to me I could feel my anger rage through me at the thought of what he had done to me. My vampiric body still seemed rather unbalanced, not yet fully recovered from the toxic venom.

Again, my throat burned, reminding me that I had yet to begin my vain attempt to satisfy my unquenchable thirst. However I found that this desire paled in comparison with my need for Carlisle.

But I was not ready to face him yet.

I sighed breathily, out of comfort rather than need. I wanted to do this properly for I could not risk further damaging a relationship which had been so brutally violated already. As usual I had managed to find myself in an impossible predicament. I had to wait until I calmed down.

So I ran towards the window and leapt to the ground, just like I had once done while on Edward's back.

It was at that moment that I had my epiphany, my moment of total clarity. Love is so much stronger than death and so it can never die. Part of me would always love Edward, just as I was sure a piece of Carlisle's heart would always be just for Esme.

But that did not stop me loving Carlisle. Loving him with all I had. He was not second best - I loved him far too completely for that.

I could only hope that he might feel the same although I was all too aware that my vicious outburst earlier could perhaps have ruined any chance I ever had with him.

It was not a thought I wanted to deal with.

Pushing the fear of Carlisle's rejection to the back of my mind I fled. Running faster and faster until the outside world became a blur to me as thoughts of Carlisle raced through my memory, my mind desperately trying to cling on to him; the Carlisle I knew before I had said those awful words, which his eyes told me tortured him so.

I was so wrapped up in my own little private misery that I oblivious to the flaming red hair and intensely crimson eyes until she was right in front of me, stopping me abruptly in my tracks.

Victoria.

**A/N: I am rather hoping we all got a little too wrapped up in Bella and Carlisle to remember Victoria :P**

**I don't really like writing from Bella's point of view but it was necessary…I'm afraid it will have to be her again in the next chapter too! Hope you don't mind :)**

**And omg I just did a word count on this and it is quite ridiculous! Bella's still a bit all over the place emotion wise because in my world vampires have really erratic behaviour/emotions right after they've transformed...that was always how I saw the change until Breaking Dawn anyway :P**

**One last thing-I have a little one shot up called Dance in the Dark if you're interested :)**


	6. Sparkle

**A/N: I am sooooooooo sorry for taking so long with this! I went back to uni the week after the last chapter went up and things got rather hectic - the nights I scheduled for writing turned into 5 hours nap nights! I really do apologise and hopefully all my lovely readers are still with me on this one.**

**Bella's POV**

**Embrace**

I suddenly became aware of how clear my vision was, as even in the overwhelming darkness Victoria truly was a sight to behold. Her hair was a long mane of loose red curls and her eyes burned with blood lust. She was terrifying and yet simply breathtaking, holding your attention with her mere presence. I realised then that no human stood a chance against her.

Did I?

"Well, well, well…Isabella isn't it?" she asked mockingly.

Victoria began to edge forward at human pace in calculated and deliberate moves.

"It has been a while since our last encounter." she paused, seemingly for effect, "Oh, but where are my manners? How have you been?"

Apparently she liked to play with her food before eating it. She was taunting me, toying with me before finishing me off.

I did not answer her. I refused to give her the satisfaction.

Her steps were so silent and imperceptible I was barely aware of her movement until her face was mere inches from mine.

She smirked at me knowing that the many years she had to fine tune her skills made her infinitely more refined than me. An icy chill hung in the air as we stood together in the echoing silence.

Again her lips curled into a sneer, "You know I've got to hand it to Carlisle," she said "at least he actually had the balls to change you! More than I would have given him credit for."

She was growling at me, her face much too close.

Then, out of nowhere, she abruptly pulled back, as though scared she would go too far before she had time to enjoy herself, to savour the moment of finally being able to avenge her mate's death.

Composure slowly trickled back to her.

"Not something Edward was ever capable of, was it Bella?" she paused momentarily, enraged that her mention of Edward had no effect on me. She continued to circle me never taking her eyes off me.

Before I knew what was happening she was right behind me, purring in my ear.

"Begs the question really…what were you two up to before dear Eddie kicked the bucket?" My head spun to meet her face on. As she came to face me once again there was a hint of a malevolent glint in her eye at her implication. She was ecstatic to finally get a reaction out of me and sensing her advantage she pressed on, a twisted smile playing about her lips.

"You know I've always thought Carlisle to be a bit of a dirty old man underneath that façade of Dr. Fantastic...or should that be Fangtastic?"

Clearly this woman was unhinged, cackling away at her own joke. Then, as though suddenly realising I was there she said, "Tell me Bella, was Carlisle giving you _everything _Edward couldn't?"

I snapped.

"Leave him out of this!" I growled, and I mean actually growled, at her.

She rolled her head back and cackled like some sort of pantomime villain. Almost instantly she brought her head back up to meet mine.

"You seem a bit touchy on the subject." she smirked.

Choosing to ignore her I repeated my earlier words, "Leave him out of this!"

This time it sounded like I was hissing at her. The sound even frightened me and for the first time something in Victoria's triumphant air seemed to slip ever so slightly. It was barely noticeable but I caught it.

I could feel the courage begin to burn within me. There were no differences between us now and I had nothing to be scared of. Her years of practice brought with it an over zealous cautiousness whereas I was fresh but lethal.

There would be only one way to settle this for I would not bring Victoria and all the misery she trailed in her wake back to Carlisle's door.

This was between me and her.

Silence hung heavily between us in the starless night sky.

Without saying a word we both quietly began to move in the same circle Victoria had traced earlier. On and on we circled until her patience faltered and she lunged, utilizing all the strength at her disposal, slamming her body against mine. We landed in a not so sophisticated crumpled heap on the floor, hands clawing at skin and yanking hair, and began to roll each other over, fighting for dominance.

She was skilled but I was by far the strongest and I easily over powered her, crushing her shoulders into the cold damp earth, pressing my weight down on her.

To my surprise she smirked up at me, her eyes alight with defiance - I knew this was not over.

"Very good Bella," she hissed, impressed against her will, "but you're forgetting one little thing."

I paused, intrigued by her words but not such a fool as to be taken in by them. This had to be a trick…right?

I waited for her to finish her sentence but she left her words hanging in a cloud of mystery above us.

It pained me to do it, I was sure that whatever she had to say would be a lie, but I had to know and so I asked her - giving her exactly what she wanted.

"What am I forgetting?" I hissed through gritted teeth.

Satisfied she smiled her sickly sweet smile and continued.

"While we're here frolicking in the dirt you have left a very broken man at home…_alone_."

She casually lingered on the word 'alone' and, even though it wasn't possible, I was sure I felt my heart sink.

"How do you know…" I trailed off, a more pressing question coming to mind than how she knew what I had said to Carlisle, "why should it matter that he is alone?"

She chuckled, her cackle echoing through the clearing, piercing me to the core.

"A few new…_friends _and I have been keeping an eye on dear old Carlisle. We heard your little lover's tiff and saw you storm off. Now they've gone to...pay him a little visit."

I could feel my eyes widening as realisation coursed through me. An image of Carlisle, broken and alone flickered to the forefront of my mind, and slowly I became all too aware of the creeping blood red eyes steadily moving in on him. I shook my head trying to disentangle myself from my thoughts which seemed much too clear to me. I only closed my eyes for the tiniest fraction of a second but I should have known better. She seized her opportunity before my eyes had time to focus she had me held by the neck up against an ancient, knotted tree.

"It was five against one Bella," she moved in closer, so close I could feel the words she whispered on my skin, "it would have been quick."

I struggled in vain against her, desperately longing to go to Carlisle's aid. Her grip around my throat tightened.

"The more you struggle the longer this will go on for!" she was getting angry now, her eyes edging towards black.

For a moment she stood perfectly still drinking in every sublime detail of the night. Revenge at last.

A sense of hopelessness washed over my as the thought of losing Carlisle seeped through my veins. Without him would I really want to live on? At that precise moment I felt part of me give in, laying my life into the hands of fate.

I closed my eyes, anticipating what was to come and my thoughts wandered not to my own well-being, nor to Edward or even my Maker who I was surely about to meet, but to Carlisle. The kiss we shared that night which simultaneously felt like eons ago and as though it had happened just a second before. It would get me through this.

I wanted my last thoughts to be of him.

In a whirl of noise and confusion I fell to the floor, eyes pressed firmly shut waiting for the end but it never came.

Perplexed I looked up to see a mass of figures fleeing deeper and deeper into the forest, so far away that even my intense sight could not make sense of what my eyes were witnessing.

Sitting up I felt a pair of warm, welcoming arms lift me to my feet and without hesitance draw me close into a tight embrace.

I allowed them to hold me, not caring who they belonged to.

What had become of Carlisle?

I buried myself deeper into the embrace, trying to hide myself from the niggling voice whispering unthinkable thoughts to me.

Several cries pierced the still night air as the moon cast its glow over me.

I sparkled but my heart was dull with fear.

What good was sparkling without Carlisle there to sparkle with me?

**A/N: Did I mention I'm sorry for taking ages with this? =P Also I tried to make Victoria to Twilight as Bellatrix is to Harry Potter…hope that comes across ok.**


	7. Saving her, saving me

**A/N: Once again I'm sorry this took so long! Uni is just crazy at the moment and weekends are filled with work and sleep. But here I am with what I believe will be the second last chapter…maybe third to last!!!**

**Also this is basically the last chapter from Carlisle's point of view…and I'll continue a little after that.**

**Saving her, saving me.**

I knew something was wrong the second Jacob Black showed up at my door, for nothing but true desperation would bring him to me. He was panting heavily but managed to choke out the words "Bella" and "trouble.

That was all I needed.

Without stopping to think or even ask Jacob if he was okay I raced out the door. I was completely blinded to everything around me for my mind was so focussed on her - my Bella. I was running at a speed even I believed myself incapable of, faster and faster until suddenly I was stopped in my tracks by a beautiful young woman…wait…no heartbeat, red eyes…a beautiful young vampire.

She gazed at me quizzically, tilting her head to the side like a lost puppy, alone and confused. My compassionate streak willed me to go to her but an image of Bella floated unbidden into my mind.

As I made to move pass her she shadowed my movements. I stepped right to pass her but she blocked me, then again with the left side. It was clear something was afoot.

"I don't have time to play games!" I hissed at her, my patience failing.

"Shame," another voice whispered, a voice that had gotten far too close without my knowledge, "we do enjoy having some fun."

Twisting around another vampire stood inches from me and as I looked around, searching for a way to brush past her and go to Bella, I noticed 3 other pairs of glowing red eyes glittering in the moonlight.

An ambush.

"Who sent you?" I asked the woman closest to me, although I had a fairly good idea.

She smiled at me though her face held no warmth and simply said, "Victoria."

A jolt of fear shot through my entire body as I became all too aware of why Bella was in trouble.

A moments silence passed between us all as the little group of newborns slowly closed in to form a circle around me. Just then, something inside me snapped and I made the first move. Bella needed me and I would not let her down again… supposing it killed me trying to reach her.

Victoria had taught her creations well for they did not hesitate to react. Three of them began clawing, hitting and even biting me, acting on their newborn impulsiveness. The other two looked on, analysing the situation, ready to step in if need be.

They were strong and vicious but my many years on this earth had taught me well and I was much more shrewd and far too sharp witted for them. My blows soon became too quick, too imperceptible and one by one I hurled them across the forest floor. The two who were circling seemed to be weighing up their options, assessing the risks, as the three newborns made their way back towards me, much more cautiously but with a passionate hate burning in their eyes. I began to worry for Bella, knowing that it would take me far too long to get out of this situation I had found myself in. I would have to make a run for it and pray that I was not too late.

No.

I could not…would not allow myself to think like that.

_I will save her._

I closed my eyes and allowed her face, her beautiful face to fill my mind's eye completely. Her long dark hair falling elegantly down to her shoulders, eyes smouldering, lips parted oh so invitingly…

She gave me the strength.

But just as I prepared to launch myself at the only thing keeping me back from my precious Bella something big, dark and solid pounced on the vampire closest to the trees.

It took me a while to finally focus on what the solid thing was - a wolf.

All red eyes were firmly trained on the new intruder and seemingly oblivious to the hulking canine bodies that slowly began to descend from a steep hill just east of the clearing.

They pounced, each of the pack taking on their own Cold One.

For the briefest of moments I stood there transfixed, unable to tear my eyes away from the horror of the scene before me. There was ripping and tearing as the night chill was pierced by blood curdling cries and screams of agony. It was like seeing a car crash happen - you want to turn away but you simply can't.

Then I saw what I instantly recognised as Jacob's wolf form racing towards me, rushing past and then glancing back, urging me to follow.

Together we ran side by side through the woods, desperately searching for a sign, any sign, of Bella or Victoria.

It didn't take long. There was no scent, no footprint, no trace but something drew me to her like and invisible magnet.

The sight which lay before me caused a small growl to ripple in my throat. For the first time in many years I could feel those strong vampiric urges seeping through my body. I wanted nothing more than to rip Victoria's head off for daring to lay a finger on Bella.

I heard Victoria hiss in her ear, "It was five against one Bella…it would have been quick."

As I was about to leap forward I saw Bella's face crumble. I didn't have time to stop and think about it but that brief moment was enough.

Utter despair.

The thought of me being dead destroyed her. Her eyes close in a non-verbal surrender and, selfish though it was, I rejoiced.

Perhaps she hadn't meant what she said after all. But there was no time for musings with a more pressing issue at hand.

Saving her.

Allowing the anger to swell up inside me again I threw myself on Victoria with every ounce of strength in my being, tackling the flame haired demon into the muddy earth.

Wanting to make sure Bella was safe I turned my attention away from Victoria for a split second only to see her eyes still firmly shut as Jacob embraced her.

A pang of jealousy echoed in my heart and Victoria took advantage of it and slithered out of my grasp fleeing deeper into the forest.

She wasn't about to get away that easily. I could feel a sneer curling my lip as I ran, faster than I had ever ran before, easily catching up with her. Again I pounced and hurled her to the ground once more. I held her the same way she had just held my precious Bella, stifling her voice and causing the smirk to slide off her face.

"You don't have it in you old man." she croaked.

"This isn't a good time to play games Victoria." I hissed through gritted teeth. The burning in the back of my throat became more intense than I had felt it in years and my whole body was on edge, just waiting to use all it had to squash the last of her immortal life out of her.

She chuckled a mirthless laugh.

"Life is a game Carlisle and I play it well! Why are we here fighting when we could go somewhere else and…play?" she slowly trailed off to a whisper.

It was my turn to laugh now, but it came out cold and harsh. It felt alien to me.

"You really do bring out the worst in my Victoria. You'd do well to remember that I may not be your typical vampire but I'm no human either! Your little seduction techniques are wasted on me and trust me when I say that I wouldn't touch you if my life depended on it."

"What about Bella's?" she whispered.

"You really are pushing it now." I seethed, tightening my grip around her neck and forcing her further into the mud.

"Then what are you waiting for doctor? Finish me off!"

Silence. I felt my calm, true self creep back to the surface and my grip loosened ever so slightly.

Again she laughed and said, "I bet Edward could have done it. In fact he could do so much that you could never even dream about. He could make Bella feel like she was on fire with every touch, every word, every look…I bet she pretends its him when she's with you."

At that moment I was sure my eyes must have burned black as I slammed my hand upwards. Just a little more and her neck would snap beautifully. I held her there for a minute or so and we just stared at each other, shock in her eyes and undoubtedly loathing in mine.

I was capable. For the first time ever I relished the thought of ending her life and I wanted nothing more than to watch the light leave her eyes.

Just one small move….

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. A soft and gentle touch which set my icy skin on fire.

I managed to draw my face away from Victoria, hand still firmly around her neck, and that was when I saw her.

She was simply radiant. After all that had happened, the turmoil and terror of the evening she still looked completely breathtaking.

My silent heart seemed to flutter into life just so it could skip a beat at the sight of her.

"Enough." she whispered, hand still resting on my shoulder.

Out of the shadows I saw the wolves begin to close in on where we stood.

"We'll take it from here." Jacob said as Bella helped draw me up to stand beside her.

She took my hand in hers and silently led me away from the scene of our ordeal.

Clawing, ripping and screaming seemed to vanish into nothingness when I was with her everything else just seemed to disappear.

We walked on through the woods and as the brilliant moonlight cast its glow through the trees I saw her sparkle for the first time.

All previous anger and aggression vanished. She had taken it all away.

It was just us, together.

At that precise moment I wasn't sure whether I had saved her or she had saved me.

Either way I did not care.

It was just us.

Alone.

Together.

**A/N: Where on earth did that come from? I have written far more than I intended to and not got much further on in the story…I apologise for that!**

**Also (and I hate to do this because it bugs me when people say how much they hate what they've written, but I feel this is important) I kinda think this story is progressively going downhill and I was wondering how you would feel about waiting a while for the next update? I'm not talking months here-just a bit of time for me to get my thoughts in order.**

**Let me know how you feel-all you story subscribers who don't review (yes I mean you :P) please do let me know how you feel about this. I really am after some feedback here.**

**Thanks and thank you for being so patient!**


	8. Star

**A/N: This one took a ridiculously long time and I bet you're probably fed up hearing excuses and apologies but I have been really busy and have just had no time to write this. I am now free (if you discount studying, essays and preparing two presentations) for two weeks so I give you the next instalment and hopefully by the end of the two weeks I will have this one completed :)**

**On with the show!**

**Star**

We walked at a painfully slow pace for vampires, even slower than the most unhurried human. She led me away from the scene, her hand firmly clasped around mine, at a leisurely stroll but with an air of great purpose.

We were about to talk about what had passed between us, about me turning her into a vampire and ruining her life by denying her the freedom of death. She was going to repeat those dreaded words to me once again, tell me how she really felt.

I did not think I could bear it. At that precise moment I was convinced my heart were beating again for it felt so very close to breaking at the thought of what was to come. She was going to tell me how despicable she found me, how selfish I was...how much she hated me.

But for what I had done to her I knew I deserved it and I would accept whatever insult she threw at me graciously.

Still we walked on until all noise of the fray was nothing but a mild irritation to our ears, like an irksome fly. Suddenly she stopped and dropped her hand from mine, my body instantly missing our contact and my treacherous hand itching to regain it.

She walked a few steps away from me and came to a halt with her back facing me. Night was slowly beginning to disappear as the pitch of darkness faded into a more gentle blue. The sun could not be far off and for once I welcomed it - anything to let this night be over.

"Carlisle?" she whispered in a voice I was only just able to hear.

"Bella." I sighed, bracing myself, resigned to my fate.

"I… I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say here. Under the circumstances I don't think there is much I can say."

She couldn't even bring herself to look at me. I thought it best that I help her get this over with as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

"Bella you don't have to say anything. I understand what you must be going through right now and…" She always had this effect on me, the ability to render me utterly speechless. I bowed my head in shame.

Another moment of agonising silence hung heavily in the air between us.

"I don't think there is anything I can say either Bella. Sorry just doesn't seem enough and much as I want to ask for it, I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness."

At this she turned to stare at me, her brow furrowed…in anger?

"I would ask that whatever you do, wherever you go from here…" I dared to glance up into her piercing eyes, still red but edging ever so gradually towards black. " I would ask that you take care of yourself Bella."

Still she stared at me in what was evidently a look of sheer bewilderment.

Silence again. I was starting to get rather sick of it, the sound was so deafening I'd rather she screamed at me.

Finally she answered the lull between us. "I'm at a bit of a loss here Carlisle. I don't think you're the one who needs to be apologising here."

"But you…all those things you said back at the house. You hate what you've become, what I've taken away from you, that we…" _kissed, _I didn't dare say the word.

It pained me to say it, to admit it out loud and therefore somehow make it all the more real. "You hate me Bella. I can see it in your eyes."

Then it happened. A sound far too beautiful for this earth, so beautiful it had to be heartbreaking. She laughed. Just a quiet little laugh but the sound pierced through me far more than any other cry I'd heard that night.

"You know for all your years on this earth you certainly aren't the sharpest tool in the shed are you? Carlisle…I don't hate you."

There it was. Everything I wanted to hear yet far too much to bear. Whatever else she had to say, and I could sense she wasn't done, she didn't hate me and that was all I could ever hope for. All I could ever need.

She seemed unsure of whether or not to continue but hesitantly she went on, "I hate what you did to me," her eyes dropped and I too hung my head once more, disgusted with myself. "But your intentions…I know they were nothing but good and sincere. I want…I need you to know that I don't hate you and that I never could."

I sensed that she was staring at me again and I allowed my unworthy eyes to gaze deep into hers once more. She seemed ashamed too and I hated it. No matter how much her words stung and how hurt I was by them I didn't want her to feel that way.

"I'm sorry for what I said." she was whispering again and I could feel her guilt in every syllable.

"It was the venom talking Bella," something I'd been telling myself ever since she uttered those words.

"You do understand it was the venom though, don't you?"

I nodded, unable to speak to her. Silenced by her yet again but it seemed I was having a similar effect on her.

However glad I was to know that she did not hate me, there was still a question burning in the back of my mind more powerful than any thirst I'd ever known.

"May I ask you just one question though Bella?"

Her gaze was intense as though she could sense this would be something she didn't want to answer,perhaps she already knew what it was, but she gently nodded.

"When you said that you…" how on earth was I supposed to go about this? I took a deep steadying breath, something I often did regardless of how pointless it was. "You said that you…only kissed me hoping it might remind you of Edward."

It was out there. Sitting like a ticking time bomb waiting patiently to devour everything around it. Then I realised I hadn't actually asked her anything but she understood. It was a statement dripping with implication, a question was unnecessary.

"I won't lie to you Carlisle,"

_Here we go…_

"Part of me, some odd dark part of me deep inside did think of you as a…" I could see her search her mind for the gentlest way to put this, "substitute for Edward."

It was like having my heart ripped out, stamped on, squashed and then spat on just for good measure and I couldn't even bring myself to look at her anymore. It was my turn to look away.

She didn't try to come closer of offer me a shoulder to cry on but she did continue.

"You need to know the truth Carlisle, I can't shield you from it. But the girl who said those words to you…she wasn't me! You have to believe me when I say that Carlisle. I would never want to hurt you like that and although I did think of him at first…I promise you that after that first initial thought he was gone from my mind completely and all that was left was you."

Hope is an odd little feeling. It can creep back into your heart at the most unusual of times. This was one of those times.

"How do you feel now Bella?" I whispered, still not looking at her.

"The venom has more or less worn off I think but it comes and goes…the anger seems to be almost gone now. Still get the urge to slap you now and then though." she chuckled lightly but I could tell she was serious. Not about slapping me but that there was a little natural, un-vampiric anger there. Anger she was completely entitled to.

I faced her for that wasn't the answer I was after."That wasn't what I meant."

She looked at me with much softer eyes this time but they were now very definitely black. I could see the venom had stopped making her so erratic but her thirst was evident.

"I know," she whispered sadly, "I just don't know if I'm ready for _that _conversation yet. Whatever…feelings that kiss brought to the surface I'm still not really sure of them."

I nodded, more than willing to give her all the time she needed and silently thanking God that her reply was not one of outright disgust. Perhaps the prospect of Bella and I was not entirely out of the question.

But I would give her time, at the very least I could give her that. I would give her all eternity just for her to say those three little words at the end of it.

I made a vow not to bring it up again until she was ready and knew exactly what those feelings were.

"You will stay with us though?"I asked after another quiet but much more comfortable moment passed between us.

"If you'll have me" she said, with a kind smile.

The sun had finally broken through the seemingly perpetual darkness of a night I would much sooner forget than remember! Although I didn't want to forget all of it…for even in the bleakest night a solitary star can often be found.

That star was Bella Swan and she did not hate me.


	9. Together

**A/N: Another ridiculously long wait…I am sorry!**

The sun had risen casting golden rays of light across the land as a gentle breeze rustled the trees, allowing flecks of light to set Bella's skin aglow with sparkling diamonds.

I don't think I could ever tire of seeing her like that.

A comfortable silence had grown between us as we walked at a human pace towards home. Our home.

I began planning which room she ought to have, torn between allowing her the option to choose and rather greedily wanting nothing more than to have her room right beside mine. I tried to justify it arguing with my niggling conscience that the others were at college for most of the year and so it made sense. True, but no matter how hard I tried that little voice in the back of my head told me I was being selfish.

_Okay, okay she can choose_, it seemed to pacify the voice of reason.

I was so completely lost in my inner debate that she was several paces behind me before I realised she had stopped.

Turning to face her I saw her head tilted in a curious pose as she stared into a thicket of trees, her body tense, nostrils flared. Her eyes burned black in the dazzling sunlight, dark holes devoid of humanity.

I knew that look all too well.

"Bella?" I whispered, hoping a little gentle coercion would be enough to bring her back to me.

I tentatively stepped towards her and her eyes flickered fleetingly in my direction before she ran, allowing herself to be swallowed by the darkness of the trees, consumed by her demonic thirst.

I gave chase after her and as the wind swirled around me I realised what had attracted her attention.

Blood. A tiny amount, perhaps from a scratch or stumble. Nothing to someone as experienced as I, a positive banquet to a ravenous new born.

On and on I followed her, or rather I followed her scent for her fresh new body had carried her so swiftly that she was well beyond my sight. I could barely even hear her running ahead of me but I had to reach her. I had to hope I would not be too late.

Knowing it would be pointless to call out to her I poured every ounce of energy I had into catching up with her.

Suddenly I became aware of an eerie silence echoing in the morning dawn, piercing a hole of fear into my heart.

It was then that I saw her, crouched yet poised, like a tiger waiting to pounce. A small stream was all that separated her from him, a rambler who was bathing a superficial cut on his ankle in the quiet waters.

She knew I was there but her mind was gone, set on one thing and one thing only. She was the hunter and he was her prey.

The look of deep concentration on her face, her determination to quench her thirst, frightened me beyond anything else I'd seen over the past few days. I could not lose her to the darkness for she was the one bright light that shone in mine.

It pained me to know that I was the reason she was standing before me ready to kill. I knew I was a monster but how could I do that to her too? I had resigned her to my fate because I couldn't live without her.

I was selfish beyond words. I knew I had to stop her from spilling innocent blood. She would never forgive herself for it, or worse I would lose her forever.

No matter what Edward had believed I couldn't accept that I had taken away her soul when I changed her, she was too beautiful a creature to be an empty shell. But that soul was in danger.

How to stop her?

I could sense a subtle change in the wind, alerting the young rambler to that sinister feeling that he was not alone. He cast his eyes around the near vicinity, scrutinising the landscape but our kind were far too clever for the human senses.

Shrugging off the feeling of being watched he turned his back to us as he went to replace his sock and boot.

My eyes snapped instantly back to Bella, still waiting patiently. Did part of her want me to stop her?

Still, I was sure that if I moved she would strike and I would not catch her.

An inner battle raged through me, as I debated whether or not I should just wait and see what she did. Allow her to test her will power, which appeared to be strong.

Then it happened.

He stepped a little too heavily on his wounded ankle and she just snapped, fleeing silently forward, closing in on him with blazing black eyes.

My instinct to protect instantly propelled me towards her and, though I would never have believed it possible, I had thrown myself against her a mere few seconds after she began to loom menacingly over her poor victim.

I tackled her to the ground and together we rolled down a gentle slope away from the rambler who was scrambling away from the scene minus sock and boot.

Over and over we rolled struggling against each other, fighting for dominance, her eyes still decidedly a livid ebony.

Her teeth were bared and she was snarling but her eyes constantly flickered back to the not too distant retreating form of her prey.

It killed me to see her this way, so feral and wild.

_This is all your fault_…those words kept echoing in my mind, tearing me apart with guilt.

My conscience was my undoing. In a moment of weakness she easily overpowered me, pinning me firmly to the leafy earth, triumph glittering in her midnight eyes.

A short way off I heard the source of our conflict fall in his rush to get as far away as possible and it did not go unnoticed by Bella.

Instinctually her eyes trained themselves on her fallen prey. I could feel her muscles twitch as her body naturally readied itself for the attack.

There were no options left now bar one.

"Bella" I whispered and I saw her jaw unclench slightly though she didn't look at me.

"Bella listen to me, this isn't you. You're stronger than this and you can fight it."

This time she lowered her eyes to stare at me, she seemed to be elsewhere, as though she were in a trance but something that glittered in her eyes, a certain sparkle of the Bella I knew shone through.

"You will fight it Bella because deep down you know you don't want to hurt him."

I could see and feel her coming back to me, my Bella returning from the edge of the abyss.

"You are good, kind and gentle." Her face had drifted closer to mine as though she were straining to hear my perfectly audible words.

"And I love you."

My words brought her back to me as a gentle breeze enveloped us, whipping stray leaves all around in a whirlwind of ambers and golds dancing merrily in the sunlight.

We were completely lost in the moment, all previous worries about not being quite ready yet completely forgotten. I had caught her off guard and instantly I knew that something inside her had changed.

She did not say those three little words I so longed to hear back to me but she did not remove herself from our close embrace.

"You saved me." She whispered.

"Saved you from what?" I asked, confused by a certainly unconventional reply to my confession.

"From myself."

Realising she meant my intervention in her hunt I hastened to add that she had managed to stop herself for she had complete power over me.

"No." She was speaking terribly softly, " No it was you Carlisle. I only stopped because of you. I might have been in control but just by being here you prevented something which I would never have forgiven myself for." Her voice broke though no tears flowed. She collapsed sobbing into my chest and delicately I wrapped my arms around her holding her just tight enough so that she would know I was there. I raised a hand from her back to stroke her long locks of hair as I closed my eyes, savouring the moment.

For a while we just laythere lost in our own little world.

Reluctantly and only after I was sure I had held her long enough to console myself should she ever leave, I broke apart from her.

She stood there unsure of what to do, arms hanging awkwardly by her side, her eyes still black but tinged with a natural new born ruby red.

Not too far off I could smell something I was more familiar with - deer.

I noticed that her attention was drawn towards the exact same direction as mine and right then I knew that Bella's soul was safe. She was one of us, someone determined to abstain from human blood.

Wordlessly I held out my hand to her and without hesitation or question she took it.

Together we ran towards the scent.

Together we shared her first taste of blood.

Together we completed each other.


	10. Half Sleeping Beauty

**A/N: Almost 6 weeks since the last one…anyone still willing to read? Haha**

**Also I'm not too confident of the house layout so please just go with me on this one ;)**

We hardly spoke to each other as we walked steadily towards home - our home. There was a comfortable silence between us because words no longer seemed to matter. Sometimes in life the things you share with people make you so connected, so close that you are completely in tune with that person to the point where you feel like they are an extension of your own being.

That was where Bella and I found ourselves, our lives so intertwined that we knew fate would never cease drawing us to each other and for once I was happy to accept that fate.

When we reached home I took her by the hand, which she again accepted instantly, and led her upstairs. I hesitated as we reached the room which Esme had once mapped out for Bella, situated between my room and Edward's.

Choosing to ignore the selfish impulse begging me to make her sleep right next door, so close that I would most assuredly be able to hear her every move as though she were lying beside me, I took her to a familiar place.

"This is Edward's room." said Bella, stating the plainly obvious. She looked confused, almost hurt that I had brought her here and I instantly regretted having done so.

"I just thought you might like it as your room from now on Bella." I was treading carefully trying my best to justify my choice for her.

"It's a lovely gesture Carlisle but I think that after all this time…" she was struggling to find the words and for a brief moment, even though I knew it was not possible, I was convinced I saw a tear sparkling in the corner of her eye. "It's time to move on." she said, withdrawing from Edward's room and leaning against the wall just outside it, waiting for me to offer her something else.

"If you're sure." I said closing the door to his room behind me, my inner self rejoicing that my original idea of having her room beside mine was looking like a much more positive prospect.

I walked a few steps further along the corridor and opened the door to the room which not so long ago had been set aside just for human Bella. Stepping back from the door I urged her forward and she obeyed stepping into the room just ahead of me. Her mouth was agape, her whole face lit up with joy and awe as she saw the sight before her.

The room was so close to being completed when life intervened, as it always did and Esme and Edward were taken from them. The walls were a brilliant white and in the middle of the room was a large circular bed which was partially concealed by a canopy made of strips of white and lilac material. A glorious pale wooden floor was covered in part by a large white rug upon which the bed was nestled. Various pieces of floral and patterned artwork adorned the walls and the ceiling was dotted with many small spotlights, designed to look just like stars when night falls. More floaty lilac fabric framed the windows which opened out onto a balcony over the woodland. Some might have said it was a bit too girlie for Bella but Esme had known her better than that. It was perfect for her.

"This is the surprise Esme had for me, isn't it?" She whispered.

I nodded as she sat on the bed looking downhearted.

"You don't like it?" I asked, confused for I was sure that she loved it.

"It's not that" she said sadly, "I just miss her. I wish she'd had the chance to show it to me." She smiled sadly.

"I'm sure she knows Bella."

She lifted her head and our eyes met momentarily before she hastily looked away mumbling something about needing a bath.

I looked at her and realised I'd completely missed the layer of mud caked into her hair and the blood on her clothes. Looking down at myself I saw a similar sight and together we laughed lightly at the state we had gotten into. We both went our separate ways to bathe, washing away the toils of the past few days.

Once clean and dressed I made my way to my room and sought out Jane Eyre, an old classic I never tired of reading. Unfortunately even the tale of Jane and Mr Rochester could not distract my mind from Bella. I could still hear the splashing of water as she continued to soak in what sounded like a copious amount of bubbles. I smiled as I heard her lightly humming, a sound of contentment which filled me with happiness, a happiness which had long since left me now returned and all because of her.

But she wasn't mine in the way I wanted her to be. I was her creator and her friend but I was her dead boyfriend's father and, much as it pained me to admit it, that undeniably felt like a line which should not be crossed and one which she perhaps never could.

At the very least I had to give her time to think. I'd already settled upon that idea but now I had to be firm with myself - that that time had to start for real from now on and so I put on some soothing music and walked over to the window. The day had passed by so quickly and night was already beginning to fall. The twinkling of stars began to flutter in the sky as the moon glimmered casting a ghostly light across the trees.

I made my way back to the bed and lay there breathing in and out evenly trying to relax myself and let go of the feelings that had been tormenting me. I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to find sleep that would never come. It was something that I often missed, just being able to shut everything out and become part of your own little world. Often I would just lie there with my eyes closed and relax so much that it was almost like sleeping, or at least what I remember of it from all those years ago.

After a while I heard a gentle knock at the door and glancing around at the clock I noted that several hours and passed and we were now in the very early hours of the morning.

"Come in." I whispered rather groggily, almost as though I had just woken up.

Bella tip toed quietly into the room looking embarrassed as she began to shuffle nervously in the corner.

"Can I help you Bella?"

She shook her head and still couldn't quite bring herself to look at me.

"Well you came here for a reason." I said smiling at her through the darkness. I wanted her to know that she was safe with me but apparently she already knew that for before I had time to react she was sitting on the edge of the bed at my feet.

"I can't sleep."

I don't know what made me do it but I laughed. Perhaps it was a mixture of relief that nothing serious was wrong, perhaps I was a little too pleased that her sadness at no longer being able to sleep was yet another little thing we shared.

"It's not funny!" She wasn't really angry but she still saw fit to slap my arm playfully.

"I know, I know but you'll get used to it. You know sometimes I like to just lie back and pretend. Not as good as the real thing but it makes me happy."

"What do you do?"

"Well the music helps," I nodded towards the iPod speakers in the corner, "I like to pick a nice thought or memory too, something which makes me smile and then I…what are you doing?"

Bella had crawled over to the other side of the bed and lay there staring up at me expectantly.

"I want you to help me fake sleep"

"Bella…isn't this a little bit…" I didn't want to say inappropriate for to me it felt perfect but I didn't want her doing something she might regret.

"No it's not." she said as though she'd read my thoughts "I feel happy and safe around you" She took my left hand in hers and asked me to continue. As she closed her eyes she whispered the words "I trust you" and squeezed my hand just that little bit tighter.

We stayed like that as I talked her through my little routine and slowly but surely a peace came over her that could most certainly have been mistaken for sleep. For a while I just watched her breathing evenly, her face radiant even in semi sleep. She snuggled closer to me, seeking the comfort of another being, something which Edward had mentioned she liked to do when he was struggling to resist the urge to attack her.

She was in no danger of being bitten anymore, I had made sure of that. A pang of guilt clutched at my chest as I stared at her. I was the reason she was like this and her forgiveness meant the world but still I wished things could have been different. Then of course there was that thought of just how close Bella and Edward were which was enough to make me feel like a total monster - how could I do this to my son?

Gradually I felt these feelings drift away into the darkness, getting lost and carried away in the music.

I'm not quite sure how long it took but gradually I felt myself succumb to the half sleep I had eased Bella into.

It was the closest I'd ever been to real sleep in so many years and I knew I had her to thank for it.

Bella, my half sleeping beauty.

**A/N: Not really sure how this one came about…I just figured night time must be quite dull for vampires and I bet they miss sleep-they don't sleep at all, right? They do in this anyway ;)**

**Should be a quicker update as I have finished uni for the summer!**


	11. Happy

**A/N: I've got a lot of stuff going on at the moment which has delayed this one soooo much! I knew this 'stuff' was going to happen so I really should have made sure my multi chapter fics were out of the way before it all started getting on top of me. Totally my fault and I do apologise. I hope to be able to finish this soon - 4 chapters planned after this.**

**This one is from Bella's point of view.**

Had it not been for the chorus of birds singing outside and the light streaming in through the curtains we had forgotten to close I don't think I would have woken so early. It had been a very odd 'sleep'. I knew that I was semi-conscious, vaguely aware of the night slowly edging towards morning, but still part of me felt like it had entered the dream world. A very deep and all consuming day dream masquerading as sleep.

As I woke from whatever state I had been in I became painfully aware that something was lacking, another thing that I had been pleasantly aware of throughout the night - Carlisle was nowhere to be seen. Almost in a panic I sat bolt upright, scanning the room only to find it empty, something which my subconscious instinct already knew. Disappointed not to wake to find him beside me I rolled over to stare at his vacant spot on the bed where I found a note lying on his pillow.

_"Emergency at the hospital - sorry I had to leave you but I think you'll find something downstairs which will cheer you up."_

I squinted at the piece of paper wondering what on earth he'd left for me when suddenly I heard it. A gentle thundering of footsteps on the stairs, racing down the hall in a way which even sounded elegant. Before I had time to gather my thoughts or work out who it was the door flew open and 'it' landed with a soft thud on the bed beside me.

"Bella" Alice screamed, drawing me into a hug.

"It's good to see you Alice." I said as I deepened our hug, so pleased to see her again - we saw less and less of each other once she'd gone off to college. "What are you doing here?"

"Well someone has to look after the newborn and do I need an excuse to visit my sister?" Her face was lit up with happiness. We'd always considered each other as good as family and my being a vampire only served as yet another thing we had in common.

However, at that moment I realised exactly why Carlisle had called Alice in. The burning in my throat had never subsided but somehow, in the chaos and then utter calm of all that had happened, it had seemed to linger only on the surface of my mind. Now I was all too aware of the fire in my throat which seared as my very being ached to satisfy the unquenchable thirst. Alice was there to make sure I didn't slip up.

Alice's smile seemed to fade a little as the realisation crept over me. "I hope you're not offended that he asked me to come, Bella."

"No, no not at all." I knew he trusted me and Alice being here was as much a comfort as it was a precaution.

Satisfied with my genuine response she positively bobbed up and down on the bed as she said her next words at a speed I was sure I'd never have caught if I were still humane. "So what's going on with you and Carlisle?"

"What? Nothing? Why do you ask?" I tried to sound both calm and yet surprised but somehow it came out squeaky and a little too defensive. In truth nothing had happened apart from our kiss…

"Me thinks you protest way too much and bear in mind I did see that kiss." She wiggled her eyebrows in implication, "Didn't look like nothing to me." She finished with a wink and I couldn't help but giggle a little. Did I just giggle? What is wrong with me? I was behaving like a love struck teenager.

"Have I told you lately how much I hate your foresight?"

"Not lately…but come on Bella! There is definitely something between you and I think you already know that. You're just afraid to say it out loud."

Suddenly serious I whispered, "I'm not afraid Alice. I'm only afraid of losing someone I love…that's the only thing I'm scared of."

"What about Carlisle? Aren't you afraid you might lose him? I know he's fallen for you Bella, I can see it in his eyes. His mind has never been quite so made up. He sees his future with you."

"Well I'm here now Alice so we're not exactly going to lose each other are we? I'm one of you now…we're family."

"That's all it is on your part? You're sure that you don't feel something more? Something deeper?" She knew the answer of course, I was always convinced Alice had more than just the power of seeing into the future for she just seems to know exactly what you're thinking.

I paused for a moment, toying with the idea in my head even though I knew that I did indeed have feelings for Carlisle. How could I not? For a good number of years now he had been a constant in my life, in recent years a rather more distant one but he was always there for me. If he weren't so repulsed by the idea of human blood I knew for sure that he would make the perfect vampire. For all that every single vampire I'd ever met was beautiful, Carlisle just had something about him which drew you in more than any other I'd ever met...even Edward. While pondering this thought I realised that the burning itch in my throat that I so desperately wanted to scratch subsided ever so slightly, as though Carlisle was the one thing that held me back from embracing the darkness within me.

"It was just a kiss Alice. We're both lonely creatures…I know Carlisle feels something for me but it's…I don't know." My voice trailed away feebly at my lame attempt to justify the relationship Carlisle and I had.

"This is about Edward isn't it?"

I stared into her ochre eyes, so full of brutal truth yet completely understanding. Something behind those eyes made me want to open up, release the feelings that had been building up in my mind.

"Yes, it is. I don't think I can do this to him Alice…it feels like such a betrayal. Then there's Esme and all of you, more importantly Rosalie who already hates the ground I walk on. It's just…not right."

"I accept your feelings Bella but you're forgetting one thing. We all love you and Carlisle, yes even Rosalie," she said, understanding my disbelieving look, "and Edward and Esme did and always will. What is the one thing you always want for someone you love?"

She finished triumphantly, knowing full well that she had beaten me, the answer blindingly obvious.

When I didn't reply she became insistent, "I want an answer Bella."

I rolled my eyes. "Happiness. Happiness is the thing you want for someone that you love."

"We all want you to be happy Bella and if you'll be happy with Carlisle then we'll be over the moon…for both of you"

"Even Rosalie?" I laughed.

"Even Rosalie." said Alice, who also chuckled lightly.

I had abandoned all pretence now and Alice clearly knew that I did care for Carlisle…perhaps even suspected that I loved him but, even after my pathetic attempts to cover this fact up, I wasn't bothered by it at all.

She put forward the perfect argument and I felt powerless to respond. Maybe she was right and this wasn't so wrong…maybe Edward and Esme would be happy for us.

More than anything I realised the one thing that I wanted most - I wanted Carlisle to be happy.

**A/N: I'm not as happy with this chapter as I was with the last one but it gives Bella some time to deal with her feelings. She's now a little more sure thanks to dear Alice and I think the final line shows that.**


	12. Elephants

**A/N: No excuses this time I'm just plain evil to you guys :( My house was broken into and my laptop was stolen but it only had half a chapter on it so I still wasn't ready to upload the next segment anyway.**

**"On with it" I hear you cry!**

**Bella POV**

If you focus on infinity for too long it warps your mind. The idea that my life, or at least my existence, could go on for all eternity was a pretty hard concept to grasp.

Even more so when I was confined to the house with its white washed walls.

It wasn't that Carlisle had imprisoned me, in fact he wanted me to practice being around humans to get used to the smell of blood coursing at a tantalisingly steady pace through their fragile bodies.

He trusted me completely. I didn't trust myself.

But, at heart, I felt that the only thing holding me back, tethering me to my spotless vampiric life was Carlisle. Of course I didn't wanted to hurt anyone but the burning, the absolute agony of depriving yourself from something which would barely touch the fire that raged within made every day a constant struggle to resist.

In truth I had imprisoned myself for fear of letting him down.

"Good evening, Pumkin," he said as he walked through the door, shrugging off his long black coat – his "Sexy Doctor coat" as Alice called it.

His greeting roused a growl from the depths of my throat.

"Are you ever going to give up on that?"

I wasn't a fan of my new nickname. So he may have come in from collecting the mail and discovered me with my pearly razors lodged into a pumpkin. It was either that or the mail man's neck.

"I think it's cute. It suits you."

"You think Pumpkin suits me? You realise I wanted to rip his head off?"

"But you resisted...by biting a pumpkin." He smiled again, that really irritating smile which makes it hard for me to be annoyed at him.

Our conversations were always like this now. Light-hearted, easy chit chat and even though we always found something to talk about it felt like we were avoiding something.

There wasn't just an elephant in the room. It was a huge fuchsia pink elephant on a tightrope with a banner draped over it reading "Awkward!"

Carlisle had chosen not to ask me about my feelings anymore and I had resolutely buried my little conversation with Alice in the back of my mind as I was sure Carlisle was lying to me and that he could indeed read my mind.

However, I think we both knew that the dynamics of our relationship had changed.

Was I ready to admit that to him just yet? I couldn't find the words.

Besides the tightrope walking elephant there were also a few baby elephants in the room. One of them labelled Rosalie who was the only Cullen yet to visit despite Emmett showing up three times. Carlisle had insisted that it was a difficult time for her as she had decided to tackle medicine this year. Understandable but even Carlisle couldn't hide the truth behind his calm composure and, although slightly hurt, I accepted that Rosalie would never like me a long time ago when Edward was still with us – the second baby elephant in the room. Last but not least we had the Charlie issue. Having returned from a fishing trip to find our house very much unlived in I listened patiently to his lecture about my impulsiveness but as I was pretending to be with Alice considering college with her next semester he didn't take too long to calm down. Everyone loves Alice.

Apparently I'd lost myself in my own little world of elephants for when I came back to earth Carlisle was looking at me through those honey coloured eyes, a knowing smile playing about his lips.

"I think we have some things to discuss other than your teething habits."

He gestured towards the couch and together we sat down, a comfortable distance between us yet noticeably closer than we ever would have back when he was just Edward's father.

A casual silence settled between us in our white palace.

Carlisle was the one to break it. "Okay, Bella I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to talk to you about this but it can't wait any longer. We both know what's going on here and what will happen if we keep our little set up to ourselves. We have to deal with Charlie."

His words rolled around in my head a few times but I wasn't quite sure I caught their meaning.

"I don't understand."

"Sooner or later he's going to work out what's going on here, Bella. We can't let that happen."

"What do you mean "we can't let that happen"? What are you going to do? "We have to deal with him"...you sound like the Godfather! What makes you think he won't accept us?" I'm not sure what bugged me more, the fact that he was so confident in "our little set up" or that he was talking about cutting Charlie out in such an off-hand way. The whole thing was beginning to sound incredibly seedy.

"You can't possibly tell him about us Bella. Who knows what he'd do or what would happen." Carlisle seemed shocked at my reaction but he reached his hand out to cover mine. I jumped back from his touch, on my feet seething at his words. Was he ashamed of me? Did he not want the humiliation of people talking about him? Was Charlie really that scary even to a vampire?

"Charlie loves me Carlisle!" My conversation with Alice floated to the forefront of my mind...

"_What is the one thing you always want for someone you love?"..._

_I rolled my eyes. "Happiness. Happiness is the thing you want for someone that you love."_

"And he likes you...a lot. He'll want us to be happy."

"Bella, this isn't about happiness, it's about what the Volturi will do if..._when_ they find out your father knows about us." Carlisle had also risen to his feet and was staring at me utterly perplexed yet intrigued.

Simultaneously we realised we hadn't been talking about the same thing.

The heavy tension between us choked us into silence.

Again Carlisle spoke first.

"Is there a reason why you felt the need to tell me that Charlie likes me a lot, Isabella?" His voice was like velvet. I felt like I was his prey, being lured in by every intoxicating syllable.

How could he possibly have this effect on me now that I was just like him? And why didn't I hate him using my birth name?

He took a step towards me which was both tentative yet quietly confident. I hadn't told him, hadn't said that my feelings for him had changed but the crossed wires in our conversation had said it all.

"I'm glad that he likes me a lot." He whispered his face so very close to mine. I kept my eyes lowered, scared to look at him and be eaten up by the honey trap. "But that still doesn't mean he can know about this." His words tickled my neck as his lips made their way to the mark he'd left on me weeks previously. Carlisle allowed his lips to delicately pepper kisses over the almost invisible wound. I sighed heavily. It was as though I was breathing out all pent up frustration and secret truths.

Encouraged, Carlisle began to move his kisses up my neck and along my jaw line. He placed one final kiss just by the corner of my mouth, so close to where I wanted him to be. But I realised he was leaving it up to me. This was my decision and, as he held his face close to mine, lips almost but not quite touching, my eyes wandered treacherously to his and my fate was sealed.

Closing the gap between us I tenderly rested my lips against his. I could feel his soft smile and I playfully bit his lip to chastise his smugness. Again our eyes met and instantly knew that he was taking over from here. My kiss was my permission and now I was his.

"I love you." He gasped between kisses.

Raw and vulnerable in his arms I had to confess.

"I love you too."

The fourth little elephant in the room I always chose to ignore vanished.

**A/N: Elephants and pumpkins? I blame Christmas for getting me hyped up on sugar and festive-ness :) Hope you all had a good one and that you like this! I always love coming back to this story and hate that I've left it so long but my motivation to write just vanished.**

**I make no promises for the next chapter...but I think this is an ok place to leave it. Maybe a good place to finish...? Let me know.**


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